days 114 & 115 the weeked
April 24, 2010 by Stephanie
114 & 115
I have been reading an awful lot of famous people quotes lately, and I’m really loving this page of Eleanor Roosevelt sayings.
The two that are really sticking out to me right now are these:
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
and
If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault; if they betray you twice, it’s your fault.
I find the two kind of intertwined. My eight-year-old and I have been discussing “what makes a good friend” quite a bit the past few days, and the conversations have made me examine my own friendships. Women are so tricky. Sometimes I wish women could just be like men and go hit a bucket of balls or play tennis and nothing else. But that’s not what we do. We talk and talk and talk and talk, and no matter how you (I) try to steer the conversation, groups of women inevitably begin to talk about others. It’s kind of fascinating, really.
anyhow, that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately, and I even posed the question on BlogHer, with a chance to win $100.
What about you? How do you handle gossip amongst friends, either IRL or online?
This weekend:
count your blessings. write them down.
try to stick to the daily 7
work in the garden
I really do try NOT to gossip, and for the most part, am able to hold my tongue. But, if I have experienced an unfavorable result from someone, and see that another is about to commit the same mistake with that person, I will repeat a cautionary bit of info. It still seems like gossip.
My mom never went to ‘kaffee-klatches’ because she said that in her experience it was just a way for the women there to gleefully talk about the one that wasn’t there. And she didn’t like how she felt about them doing that type of ‘talking’. So she just didn’t partake of any of the neighborhood ‘coffee get-togethers.’
I guess I thought about it as a teen and decided she was so right and wise in her assesment of the situation.
She and I have, therefore, become loners in the neighborhoods we lived in, but at least I can hold my head up high. I am friends with the neighbors, well, except when the ones across the street who do not understand how small I am to their 75-100# dogs when they come snarling and growling at me in MY farmyard (the last time it was at midnight as I was taking garbage out and, yes, I jumed about ten feet high when they came charging at me down my drive.) We are not so friendly, but they are the ones still breaking our county’s law about leashing their animals. No amount of talking to them about this situation has done any good in the last five years+ they have lived there.
But that is my take on gossip. I try, sometimes fail, but I really do try not to do the gossip route. It is usually hurtful in the end, and we should never hurt anyone.
Sorry, you asked for a thought and instead you got a book.
Cait
I loved reading your thoughts, thank you Cait. The coffee talks and the getting together for drinks chats are definitely things that I am troubled by. It’s nice to be included, but you’re right in that sometimes you just leave the group feeling icky. It’s definitely a fine line–and I’m proud of you for sticking to your ethics, I know it’s hard.
eeps about the dogs!
xoo steph
I have a blogher acct, but I can[t seem to get in it today, so this will have to do.
I really do try NOT to gossip, and for the most part, am able to hold my tongue. But, if I have experienced an unfavorable result from someone, and see that another is about to commit the same mistake with that person, I will repeat a cautionary bit of info. It still seems like gossip.
My mom never went to ‘kaffee-klatches’ because she said that in her experience it was just a way for the women there to gleefully talk about the one that wasn’t there. And she didn’t like how she felt about them doing that type of ‘talking’. So she just didn’t partake of any of the neighborhood ‘coffee get-togethers.’
I guess I thought about it as a teen and decided she was so right and wise in her assesment of the situation.
She and I have, therefore, become loners in the neighborhoods we lived in, but at least I can hold my head up high. I am friends with the neighbors, well, except when the ones across the street who do not understand how small I am to their 75-100# dogs when they come snarling and growling at me in MY farmyard (the last time it was at midnight as I was taking garbage out and, yes, I jumed about ten feet high when they came charging at me down my drive.) We are not so friendly, but they are the ones still breaking our county’s law about leashing their animals. No amount of talking to them about this situation has done any good in the last five years+ they have lived there.
But that is my take on gossip. I try, sometimes fail, but I really do try not to do the gossip route. It is usually hurtful in the end, and we should never hurt anyone.
Sorry, you asked for a thought and instead you got a book.
I’m sorry Steph, I just don’t seem to have the brain synapsis going the right way today. I guess I just doubole posted, but the BlogHer accouunt just left a few words of the messsage. I don’t know how the other posters were able to leave such long replies. Awk!
Thank you for your comment and mostly about the understanding. It tends to be a very slippery slope when we start the gossip route. My only saving grace is that my last name is NOT spelled GOD. Therefore, as a human being, there is SO much room for improvement.
Huggs, Cait