This is part of the Business of Blogging Series. You can see all of the posts, here.
I’ve done a bit of speaking this summer at various conferences, and I’ve said a few times to the audience (and been met with great laughs), “Let’s face it. Bloggers are narcissistic.”
While I do love laughter responses, I’m completely serious when I say that in order to be a good blogger, or to put yourself out in the public eye, you’ve got to have a part of your personality that believes that You Are Better Than Others.
and this is a challenge. It’s a struggle for me, and I know it’s a struggle for many of my friends. It feels wrong, it feels fraudulent, and it feels deceitful to decide when you wake up in the morning that you are going to make and write about THE WORLD’S BEST BEEF STEW.
or the best way to fold a fitted sheet.
or write about a completely ordinary trip to Walmart but in a way you just *know* your readers will appreciate.
or heaven help you, post a #selfie on instagram.
I wasn’t raised to seek the spotlight, I was raised to sit quietly with my hands folded while the grown-ups talked and not to interrupt. And that is how I’m raising my children. Nobody likes a know-it-all who interrupts. Blogging is about interrupting.
DID YOU HEAR ME?
gah. It’s loud, it’s annoying, and it feels icky.
So what do you do? How do you balance the self-doubt, the negative voices, and the twingy feeling that you are doing something wrong when you decide to put your heart and voice online?
I can tell you that it gets easier, but I can also tell you that I personally stress and analyze every time I write anything online. This is the list I weigh in my head before posting (on any of my sites, on facebook, on twitter, and even on pinterest)
1) How does this help my audience? (and helpful can just be a feel-good moment. there doesn’t need to be a lifelesson in everything you put online, nor does it have to be a how-to tutorial.)
2) Am I writing this only because so-and-so has written about (kale) a lot and I feel like in order to stay relevant I need to write about (kale)?
3) Am I jumping on the bandwagon about a certain event that has a lot of drama and I want people to link to me when they, too, write about this certain event?
4) [related to #3] am I stirring an already-bubbling pot? Is that what I want to be known for? Pot-stirring?
5) In 3 days, will I still be proud of my writing?
6) Am I writing this because I’m getting paid to write about it (like a sponsored post)? Have I told my audience this truth?
7) Will my writing be search-engine-friendly? If not, how can I massage my words to help with SEO?
8) and then back again to #1…. am I being helpful to my audience?
If you respect your audience, they will respect you.
If you jump in front of the
camera keyboard every single time any fleeting thought passes through your head, you might gain lots and lots of followers initially, but they will leave in the longrun. Build a lasting legacy — something that you enjoy, that you can see yourself working on as your life’s work.
As for the negative thoughts? Embrace them. Listen to what they have to say. Maybe you are posting too often, and without anything valuable to offer your readers. Maybe you are only tweeting 7 times a day because some expert told you that’s how many times a day you should tweet. Maybe you are solely only writing about the latest conference drama because you want to be in the spotlight and want to be someone “in the know.”
and if after some soul-searching you realize that you don’t like your current path, then tweak it a bit.
But don’t let the voices win. We ALL have something to offer. We are all on this life-living journey together, and we all have something to share and to teach. Differing perspectives are fantastic — that is how we, as readers, as humans, make decisions. That’s why we read Amazon reviews — our culture needs to know as much as possible about pretty much everything right now. Right this instant. We can’t even wait to get home to our desktop, we have to whip out our phones in the middle of the store and tweet a picture to the masses to see if these shoes are actually a good buy.
This is a great time to be writing online. Do not let self-doubt or shyness prevail. Yes, bloggers are inherently narcissistic. We have to be.
And that’s okay. Just make sure to acknowledge it.
We’re approaching the end of February. Do you know where your New Year Resolutions are?
I’ve gotten pretty good at making and keeping my resolutions each new year — and while it’s still not super easy for me to stay on track, each and every year I have a bit more resolve to keep on course.
It doesn’t matter that we’re near the end of February — there is still plenty of time to get your new year goals and resolutions back on track. If you’ve fallen off the wagon, here are some tips to climb back in it and buckle up; there’s a long road ahead until the end of the year.
If you haven’t made any new year resolutions or goals for 2013, or don’t like to because you don’t think that’s “your thing” — okay. But you also can’t change for the better in any way unless you make the conscious decision to do so. And regardless of your personal journey or path, I believe we all could do a bit better each year.
This is it.
You’re not going to get today back again, and it’s okay to want tomorrow to be slightly better.
How to make New Year Resolutions that You’ll Keep:
1) Write it down. This is such a simple step, yet the majority of people don’t do it. Yes, there are plenty of people who have stuck to their resolve to lose weight or get out of debt by not writing down their goals, but if you DO write it down you have a greater chance of success. And who are we to fool around with statistics? If it feels hokey, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to share what you’ve written down to anybody — just keep it in a notebook or folded up in your purse.
2) Tell Someone. I know. In suggestion number 1 I said you don’t have to share your written resolution or goal list with anyone and now I’m telling you to tell someone else your personal wishes and dreams. I promise I’m not losing my mind— you still don’t have to share your written out list, but you DO have to share what you’re working on.
Accountability to someone else is a much stronger motivational drive than an intrinsic one. This means that you are more likely to disappoint yourself than you are someone else. That’s just how human nature is. We are also much more forgiving to others than we are to ourselves —- so if you veer off track, having a supportive someone in your corner is just who you’ll need to confide in and who can help you retain confidence.
3) Review your resolutions every single day. However you do this is up to you. You can pull out your list of goals, or rewrite them every morning. Some people have excellent results by writing their resolutions out as if they have already happened. For instance, if your goal is to lose those final last ten pounds, you might start your day by thinking about how thankful you are that you can fit into the dress hanging in the closet. You can go a step further and visualize yourself wearing it and hear in your head all the complements you’ll get from your friends.
I have a vision board. I make a new one every year, and I keep it in the bathroom. It’s personal, and I have sayings and quotes, and magazine cutouts on it. I only share it with Adam, and even he kind of rolls his eyes a bit at how particular some of my visions (picture cutouts) are. But that’s okay. Because my vision board makes me smile and keeps me focused on what it is I’m working towards — I look at it quite a few times a day, and somedays it spurs me on to take action on a certain writing assignment or to go do a few pushups. Other days I just zone out. I’ve decided to believe that even on my zone out days my subconscious is working on something.
4) Pretend you’ve already succeeded. Or fake it till you make it. This might seem phony at first, but you’ll get used to it in practice. If your New year’s Resolution was to work out every morning, act like a person who works out every morning. What time does that person wake up? What does she wear? Does she sleep in her workout clothes and works out before getting dressed for the day? What does she eat? Do you need different food in the house?
If your resolution was to write every day on your All American Novel, start acting like a novelist. What does a novelist do? Does she get up before everyone else in the house and write for an hour? Does she have a set of index cards with character names and traits? Does she spend 3 hours a day surfing facebook or pinterest, or does she buckle down and work?
5) Reward yourself. This doesn’t need to be elaborate, nor does it need to be expensive, but you have to find a way to celebrate the tiny steps and milestones along the way. Day to Day life is hard enough as it is — trying to change or adapt is even harder, even if you know it’s for the better.
Human nature is to find the easiest and least resistant path. It’s easier to lay around on the couch than it is to lace up your shoes and go for a walk. So reward yourself. Walk to the grocery store and after making a few laps get yourself a pack of sugarless gum. If you’ve gotten through the entire day without yelling at the kids, take a bath. Paint your toes. Do something just for you that’s a reward. And there is no harm in using the reward as motivation to keep to your goals — “if I don’t use my credit card but instead pay it off, I can use the extra savings in our vacation fund.”
I’m sure you see what I mean.
You don’t have to be in the first week of January to decide to be a New You. Or a Newer Version of You.
You can do this. I know you can.
and it’s not too late.
It’s never too late to accomplish anything you put your mind to.
But That’s Why We Had You!
Children make messes. It’s part of their job.
Before I had children of my own, I ran preschool centers for under-privileged children. Because I could get a room full of twenty-four kids to mind me and pick up after themselves, I thought that certainly my own flesh and blood would follow suit and tidy up without complaint.
I was dead wrong.
It takes daily effort to get my children to put their clothes, toys, school stuff, and random paraphernalia away. That’s just how it works. If I slack off, the kids slack off. If I put my dishes onto the counter because it’s “too much work” to open the dishwasher and stash it away, the kids do the same.
they’re awfully smart and crafty, those buggers…
That said, here is a general guideline of age-appropriate chores. Do not expect your kids to instantly adhere to a strict list of chores. Monitor closely and always show your child exactly how to perform any new tasks.
One to Two Years of Age
Babies and young children enjoy being “big helpers,” and can begin to participate in the following household chores with adult supervision, help, and guidance:
- sort laundry
- empty wastebaskets
- bring in the mail/newspaper
- match socks
- pull up bed clothes
- empty spoons and plasticware from the dishwasher caddy
- put toys away in appropriate containers
- “dust and clean” with a baby wipe
Three to Six Years of Age
Preschool-age children can continue to help with all of the chores listed above, along with the following added responsibilities:
- make their own beds
- load and unload the dishwasher with assistance
- help younger siblings clean up strewn toys
- feed and water pets
- pull weeds
- water plants
- use a whisk broom to clean up crumbs under the dinner table
- use a handheld vacuum cleaner to spot-clean, or to vacuum the stairs
- put away their own laundry
- set the table for meals
Seven to Ten Years of Age
School-age children are capable of fulfilling all of the tasks listed above, as well as these new additions:
- complete an entire load of wash
- help younger siblings put away laundry
- vacuum their own rooms
- maintain order in their bedrooms
– sweep the kitchen
- load and unload the dishwasher independently
- walk the dog
- clear the table after meals
Pre-teen through Teenage Years
Although teenagers would rather lie around and talk on the phone (or text, whatever) all day, they are fully able to help their parents out with most of the housekeeping duties, inside and out, including these new ones listed below:
- vacuum the house
- sweep the house
- clean the refrigerator
- wipe down the bathrooms
- wipe down the kitchen countertops
- help younger siblings as needed
- perform more strenuous work in the garden
This may seem like a lot (and it does to me, now that I see it all in writing!), but remember back in the “olden days,” children were expected to be productive members of the household. Whenever I start to feel “mean,” I think of The Long Winter and remember all that Laura and Mary did to help out. I also think of my friend Alison, who homeschools her nine children. Alison once told me that a parent’s job was to raise adults, not children. By the time children leave for college, they should be able to make a meal, sew on a button, do laundry, mow the lawn, and milk a goat.
Raising kids is part joy, part guerilla warfare. –Ed Asner
Want even more? Buy the book! Totally Together: Shortcuts to an Organized Life is available now. This handy-dandy weekly planner will hold your hand throughout the year and will give you all the reminders and helpful prods you need to have the Very Best Year, ever. No need to wait for the New Year to start your organization mission, you can start at any time. Enjoy!